black noise

i know something you dont know

a. paranoid, auditory hallucinations, very neurotic, fairly bipolar

b. hallucinations are very persuasive. influence personal belief more strongly than reason or intuition, hijacks both.

c. still, the following assumes partial or complete validity to a selection of the shit i hear

1. he (doesn’t) know(s)

2. he (doesn’t) know(s) right now

3. he knew

4. he didn’t know

5. you (don’t) know

6. you don’t want to know

so the gist of the delusion is that there is a conspiracy withholding some sort of (i hope vital) knowledge from me. if it were something petty or trivial i think THAT would make me lose my shit, having dealt with hearing this shit non stop for so fucking long.

but perhaps the most infurating ones are 5 and 6. really. i don’t want to know? think i’d flip out? think i couldn’t handle the truth? can your retarded ass even remember the context of that line in that fucking movie? apparently not.

way to be on some childish ass church/government shit. witholding information and taunting someone about it is apparently something humans are hardwired to do, just as sure as shitting, breathing, and abusing anyone we have a minimal amount of control over. this has the feeling of a really simple game being played in which im the console, and i never get to be shut off, unless at some point i shut myself off with suicide. i hope it’s a really fun game, like game of the year shit. maybe you should think about just fucking telling me.

for the sake of argument, say it was something that i absolutely should not know. say, this information will explode my head like the bald guy in scanners. maybe it would be a good idea not to remind me every 15 minutes that this information exists, that i can’t handle it, and that i don’t know what it is. and that also 7. im retarded. 

alright lets trade fucking places. conveniently (for you i think) that isn’t possible. so eat my fucking cock. fuck you.

life is addictive but everyone quits

sober

razor blades 

caged in brain

tailor made

for layered pain

come, say again

pray the rain

will wash away

the fake and names

baked-in chains

taking strange

turns throughout

the shaking game

stay the same

gray and flame

spirit that the

day will tame

spirit on one shoulder

boulder on the subsequent with a fondness for taking hold of my brain and bludgeoning

since evolution started us crawling out of the sludgy thing i’m like the wind beneath the feathers that is always subtly nudging wings

waking up from the lovely dream terrified and shaken i think i’m real i think im here but what if im mistaken theres always doubt

floating around the pit in my stomach i’ll never fucking calm down if i live to be a hundred

wondering where has all the time gone inside the beautiful image one with the paper the lines drawn on

so, so long im going to that dark place again be back in right now i feel like pacing, spinning, laughing grinning, consume the uncertainty of any sort of ultimate meaning

years later rising from the tomb like halloween funerally thirsty mushy brains im swallowing wallowing in the dark aethers miasmic lord im following and unprepared to repay all the karma that im borrowing

fuck that

A bundle of thoughts On a lonely ghost pursuit Lost inside the space for this

“But the nights are cold! He’ll get pneumonia. He’ll die.”

“Not any more,” said the doctor, as kindly as he could. “He’s already dead in every way that matters.”

He bent and rubbed his aching thighs, worn already form the struggle against this new Eden’s gravity, then straightened and looked at the stars in the darkening western sky. A bright green one was another planet of Groombridge 1618’s, farther out, all ice and copper salts. One of the very faintest ones, perhaps, was Sol. “He gave us these planets,” said the doctor, and turned back toward the city. “Do you know what being a good man means, Ferguson? It means being better than you really are—so that even your failures carry someone a little farther to success…”

not another rap post

i spit from deep inside the reptile brain

my mind is walking down the street attached to half mile chain

this world is a trap, hail satan

each step i take sets the whole earth shaking

move like the loading bar for lacking shame look outside and don’t see fireballs like you’re slacking, game people put the abstract first like the soma is backing name i’m just waiting for it to roll over like crushed skulls and a blackened frame

i’ll tell you one thing my blood is fucking brutal and i have an attitude like smashing through the altitudinal this shit is the tip of the frozen iceberg cracking through the hull all hands on deck this is it and all of it is soon to go